Helping Survivors Manage

Recently, I have been watching the TV shows Hoarders and Hoarding Buried Alive. To be frank, it is something I have struggled with throughout my life. My gramma was a hoarder and like those around her age (born in 1916), her hoarding was most likely due to the Depression. My mom inherited the behavior and I did too. My dad liked to collect, and I did (do) too.

Just the other day, I noticed my hoarding problem with a new insight. I was going through my bathroom, cleaning the cabinets (watching the shows really motivates me to purge) and I found this tiny little clear glass tube with pretty blue oil in it that was just so cute, I had a difficult time throwing it away. Like most hoarders, I looked at it hard and thought, “it’s so cute, I don’t have anything like it” and “I may use that someday” and “maybe I could give it as a gift” and “maybe someone else could use it” (adding to the chain of hoarding, probably). After several minutes, I was finally able to throw it away without digging in the trash to retrieve it. It wasn’t completely easy, after all , here I am - a few days later –  writing about it. I cannot imagine having the real hoarding issues those on the show have. I feel for them.

Something to ponder – what will you leave behind for your surviving family and friends?  Peace…

When our mom died relatively unexpectedly, John Watson (recently retired), a friend of the family, came to the hospital where she died to take her to the Watson Funeral Home in Galesburg, Illinois. The following day we went to see our other friend, Mark Thomas. I call them both “friends”, because they actually were and are friends of the family, and they were both funeral directors at Watson’s. Mark gently helped us plan the day that would change each of our lives forever.

I remember attending several funerals at Watson’s while I lived in the ‘burg. It was always a sad, but caring and calming transitional experience. Fortunately for us, Watson’s was a familiar, comfortable, safe, trustworthy and peaceful place to be, considering the circumstances. Our Aunt Kathy has even been employed there. We had no doubt we were in good hands. We didn’t have to worry about whether or not we trusted this person or home-unlike many consumers. When we were talking to Mark about mom’s funeral, all I was seeing were dollar signs and on the way out of our meeting, thankfully, my Aunt Kathy said, “your mom and dad already took care of that years ago, they have already paid for it” (pre-planned) I was so relieved!  

This has really helped me understand the importance of pre-need arrangements.  The better half and I have it on our “to do” list by the end of 2010 and I encourage everyone to do the same. There are so many details to manage after the funeral, let alone the inability to think clearly only one day after your loved one dies.

If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for the ones you will leave behind, they will be so grateful to not have to make these decisions for you with an unclear mind…and if you choose to not pre-arrange, here is a very short list of what you are leaving your survivors to handle in one day (maybe only a few hours):

find a funeral home; arrange visitation, funeral, times, dates; write obituary; create a memorial display; write, decide who will give eulogy; decide on flowers; music; readings; limos; pall bearers; cremation v. burial; grave site; casket, open v. closed; reception; decide on memorials (where do you want donations to go in your memory?)…

These only scratch the surface of decisions that someone will make on your behalf if you do not decide. Help yourself and those you will leave behind (like our parents did with Watson’s) with your decisions in place…make it a goal for 2010. If my parents could do it so many years ago, I promise, you can do it. Peace…

Isn’t it frustrating when you want (and find) a simple form online that is not rocket science or copyrighted and you want to use it, you have to pay for it? Or give them all your personal info? Frankly, it drives me a bit crazy. I wanted to send a gentle reminder that this website is not only a place to purchase the book, it also provides free downloads of form letters (the same hardcopies that are provided in the back pocket of the book) to help survivors close/change household accounts as well as credit reporting agencies and a form for memorial tracking. This site also links to many resources on grief and death circumstances. When I searched for these forms online (while doing research for the book), every source I found charges a fee for these letters. Free downloads are under the “Downloads” tab above. I would also like to thank Barbara Bear bbear@sbwireless.net of Data Assist, Inc., who reformatted the original PDFs into interactive PDFs (both available on the site) which makes it even easier for the survivor. Peace…

I am starting to book speaking engagements. If you or anyone you know (your workplace, hospice orgs, social group, church, school, assisted living facilities, etc.) would like me to come and speak (only lasts about a half an hour excluding questions at the end), let me know. I can visit any place within an hour of the twin cities (Saint Paul/Minneapolis, MN) and give the business price ($10.00 per book) for these events…thanks for all the support! Peace…

Nomis Publications, Inc. printed a story about the book in their March 2010 newsletter Section A, Page 6. Quite a nice article and I was certainly thrilled to see it.

Read the article here.